Work out who you want to be, not what you want to do.

The Real World..

It's occurred to me that I haven't blogged so much recently, which isn't because I've stopped trying to tell the world about my life, but because I've actually been getting on with my life, if you catch my drift?! I'm less than a month away from finishing my degree, less than a month away from being free to do whatever I fancy... Let's not lie, it's an incredibly scary prospect, not knowing what is coming next. Despite the excitement of those around me, the next few weeks fill me with a lot of fear. 

After changing my views of my future numerous times since starting university, my mind seems to be contstantly worrying about the first step being in the wrong direction, and that I am almost playing it safe, rather than taking a risk into a completely different area of society. Although my thoughts have changed, I think the last few years have taught me that it might not be football which is where my passion lies, but just being in a position to help and work with young people. Football Futures has allowed me to use football to work with people and be able to support others, which has been and continues to be incredible. The programme, to me, is about developing people using sport.. Not so much the developing the future of the game as people like me will realise that football and sport is such an amazing vehicle, not such much a destination.

So, the last few weeks have been spent applying for jobs and thinking about what I want, and to be honest, I still don't know. Fortunately for me, the first job I've applied for resulted in an interview, which I am waiting for the result  I've thrown my name into the hat for a couple of others and the response as yet is unknown. For me, being offered an interview so early on holds a number of feelings, obviously excitement and contentment that my experience and applications are pitched at the right level, that on paper I'm close to what is wanted. But on the flip side, a little bit of unsurity, my friends weren't so fortunate and so I feel bad for finding what seems to be early success. 

What seems to be good, is that the things I've written about in this blog, experiences and skills gained through Football Futures have most definitely put me in the position I am. I back myself to put the right information on paper, however it's then being confident and competent face to face. One thing which the last few years haven't taught me, is how to be myself in interview situations. I know myself inside and out and that interviews are situations which don't come around very often, I take them seriously and struggle to be myself and get my personality in, that's kind of a nice bonus if things go well. 

Most people know me as a deep thinker and as a worryer, definitely not a warrior, and so the points on this blog will come as no real surprise. I think it would be unnatural to not be nervous at all with what the future holds, I could insert numerous quotes here of, 'the best way to predict the future is to create it' and 'if your dreams don't scare you they aren't big enough' but when you're unsure of what you want, it's pretty difficult to move in that direction. On a film I watched last night, there was a line of, 'figure out what it is you want, and work through any barriers which come in the way of getting there' it's quite difficult when you aren't sure of either. 

So, the real world awaits. One where I haven't got the soft cushion of education for boundaries to work along. Where responsibility will come in the bucket loads and hiding simply isn't an option. 

I've been thinking this for a while and it continues to perplex, I'll have to make the jump sooner or later..