Ethiopia. 11pm - 13/6/19
Before we start, a quick disclaimer. This post was/is a late night, airport waiting room mind drop of thoughts surrounding this current leg of my personal journey. A further post following time to reflect in full will emerge over the coming days containing more about the content of the week I've just had.
On with the show...
There's no denying the last few months have seen me hit rock bottom. There's a quote somewhere about having to hit rock bottom to then find your opportunity to rebuild. It's also when there are pits that you can develop platforms for peaks.
It's in making decisions - for me, by me - in recent months which have allowed me to redefine 'stress'- what it looks and feels like. I've moved away from stress controlling my life, containing my happiness and joy... to becoming the birth place for this new chapter.
Let me paint you a picture, I've spent the last 5 days in Ethiopia, on behalf of The FA co-delivering a leadership programme to local leaders of the game. Before I go on, you can already start to picture environmental differences, potential upcoming challenges and a need to flex and adapt. We faced several unexpected challenges which weren't apparent until arrival or day to day. This week is the week of national exams for Ethiopia, the government cut off all wifi and phone data access across the nation to stop questions and answers being shared. We learnt that power cuts were common due to the cost of electricity. Things we see as basic, or to some necessities, to others really aren't important at all.
Imagine being me, the deep thinker looking for meaning in every action and moment. Being faced with challenge after challenge. Unable to stop and try to make sense of it all. Bouncing from moment to moment.
I was asked earlier, how highly stressed did I feel? Throughout the week, I couldn't relate to a feeling of 'stress' which I'm used to. Stress being this negative emotion, sapping of energy and the ability to think clearly under pressure. The closest I felt to this, was trying to sleep at night - trying to get in the hours to be on top form the following day.
This week, I've felt the thrill of this new stress. The thrill of so many challenges, far more than I expected or imagined. I've been required to find a new, better, improved Sarah Nick. I didn't have a choice, but to embrace everything in front of me. Embrace, or what? Escape, not really an option. Panic, flap, lose my own self discipline? For the benefit of who? Even if that's what I felt inside, I've been trusted with a role, task, adventure and I wasn't going to let be put in jeopardy because it was uncomfortable.
I think it's rather amazing, the ceilings we break through. The doubts ignored. Perceptions left behind. The people we become when we simply have no other option.
Don't be fooled, I was far from perfect this week. Made mistakes, had my own fall down moments. But I owned all of them. Owned them, sat with the discomfort and emotion, had to learn quickly - take the key point and build on it next time. It's like I've been in a vacuum. Leadership is messy, and hard, and looks different. But, 'sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.' Just show up? This isn't 'just' anything, this is being present to every moment.
I've got a lot to reflect on and mull over. This week has been tough for so many reasons. But it has also been the birthplace of new ground broken, for owning moments and sharing a common passion of football with new friends across the world.
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| Ethiopian National Stadium |
The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure (Joseph Campbell)
I said yes.
