You can do anything, but not everything.

To quote Britney, ‘I did it again.’ Waited until the end of the year to slow down to a stop, and take stock of everything going on around me.

I seem to get to the end, and have similar thoughts to the last year. Similar in the steps taken, the developments, the progress which continue up this steady incline. But once again, it is appropriate to try and release the thoughts and feelings which 2017 have led me to.

It’s been momentous, the strides taken this year, collectively and individually on this pursuit of re-defining leadership and being a better person. Expanding and stretching perceived limitations of self, others and community. Our community. Which is developing, evolving and increasing in size in directions which I didn’t see coming. Influencing others to really listen, and lean in. The world is changing, our game is changing; we must adapt to meet the diverse conditions or risk being left behind.

The FA Youth Council is progressing, this season could be our moment. My Dad once told me, ‘what you do in the dark will always come into the light,’ we’re ready for the light to shine... and take centre stage when required.

But it’s not just about us here and now, it’s about the 12 years of effort and work which has been put in to get us to this point. Those who have worn the shirt before us, and moved the game and perception of youth leadership into a better place. Quite simply, I wouldn’t have had the year I have, without every ounce of effort, every minute invested, every person who has been involved within The FA Youth Leadership Programme. Every person.

In January I wrote myself a letter, the content can be found in an earlier blog. An open letter, preparing for the start of the end... thankfully preparation which has been delayed. The chapter ended, but the book didn’t.

Noticeably growing as a person, there have been so many milestones. Milestones I have against my name, but they don’t belong to me… to my team, to our community.

-Taking up the role to Chair the FA Youth Council.
-Being inducted onto FA Council, youngest person ever to do so.
-Attending and contributing at FA Committee & Representative meetings.
-Representing The FA, Youth Council and Young People in Romania working alongside UEFA, building bridges.
-Leading the transition of The FA Youth Council, striving.

The team are and continue to push the envelope, leading research into Youth Diversity in Football, implementing learning and development programmes, engaging and supporting County FAs to really see the importance of having young people within decision making processes. We’ve projects and programmes lined up, numerous requests and much deserved interest of others to access our expertise. Our sphere of influence is expanding, I believe rightly so.

Personally, I continue to astonish myself. Pushing my own capabilities, riding waves which were once a nice sight seen safely from the shore.

2017, has been emotional, for reasons beyond this blog, real life which transpired unexpectedly. Made bearable by surrounding myself with wonderful people, who I can’t wait to continue striding alongside with into 2018. 

I would try and close this blog with some words of wisdom, however they would be positive intentions which I don't uphold. Instead, here are my top 3 lessons from events this year...

- It's ok, not to be ok. 

Just don't live there, or try to fight it alone.. contrary to self belief - a lot of people care and want to help.

- Get your priorities right, for you.

Earlier this year my brother spent 2 nights in hospital having to have 2 operations following a playground incident. I had a choice, stay in Somerset and worry - or drive home to see him. Easy choice, I want Ben to grow up knowing he can depend on me, as I do for all of my close friends and family. 

- Time, it can be spent, wasted or invested.

Invest in the people who make your heart smile, in the activities which fuel your interest and in places where you can make a difference. Waste it wisely.

I've got so much to learn, get better at and should probably start with taking my own advice. 

In 2018, I can do anything.. but not everything.

SN

Just a Girl From Telford

It's surreal, to consider how things could have been so different. To know that our lives are one decision away from something else. 

The option to put one foot in front of the other, in the direction I feel to be right has served me well so far. I've blogged previously around the need to pause on the pursuit, to slow down and enjoy the ride. It's at a point now where I'm overwhelmed in being asked to speak at events, considering the learning and opportunities I've had, looking back trying to piece things back together which is at times difficult to comprehend. Just a girl from Telford. 

Trying to break the story down, I've got 4 points. Similar to the route to climbing Mount Everest, the most important is at base camp to always return to, reaching up to my summit.

1] Figure out what you're passionate about. 

As Roald Dahl said, luke warm is no good. It's not. As the starting point, finding what you enjoy and following that provides a pretty good base and anchor to return to.

2] The People.

Surround yourself with people who want you to be successful, and will help you get there. Networks are so important, I simply wouldn't be where I am without mine. Everyone plays a part, in supporting, challenging, telling you what you don't want to hear and being there for the peaks and troughs. 

3] Take chances.

Say yes. Opportunities present themselves in many different ways. Take them. Make mistakes. Learn from them. As time progresses, we figure out when to say no.. which becomes to be as important as saying yes. What a wonderful paradox. 

4] Enjoy the summit.

It's not about staying there, gloating and bragging. Enjoying where you are, and accepting that there are many more mountains to climb and conquer. Realising your peak and not settling for anything less, then working for more.

I like the idea that we are our own mountains. In finding success we must conquer ourselves. 

Sounds like an adventure worth having. 

Romania - The Art of Noticing

'That's a long way to go for two days.' 

A common phrase I've heard the past couple of weeks, both before and since returning from Romania. A long way perhaps to visit the only other nation dipping their toes in youth leadership. A long way to view the world through a different lens and take stock of the Romanian Football Federation taking the first steps of their learning journey. 

The gulf in culture and society may be at large, but the distance between one human to another is incredibly slim if we take the opportunity to simply connect. 

After a phone call with the Romanian Football Federation a few weeks ago, the opportunity to meet first hand seemed appropriate, especially to be a part of their Youth Council - second edition. A 4 day programme for young people who had applied to be a part of the Youth Council, delivered through a partnering foundation was our scene at the National Football Centre in Buftea - just outside the Romanian capital of Bucharest. 4 days of learning around coming together as a team, managing challenges, developing and implementing strategic planning. This resulting in the group developing their own ideas for youth led projects to develop football within their respective communities. 

At first glance, and from a limited amount of knowledge of the history of Romania and their culture, it would be easy to question why we were there. The differences as already noted are quite sizeable. But at times I believe it is differences which bring us together, not despite them, but because of them. 

I arrived part way through the week and part way through the night. Unsure as to what reception I would receive, another nosy neighbour, an outsider perhaps? Those thoughts certainly quashed immediately on arrival. Greeted with warming smiles and handshakes which continued through the following morning and breakfast. 

The natural desire to connect has never been so visible to me than throughout my time in Romania. Our common purpose or cause, to use football as a tool, was our only connector but with it came so much more. We travelled to learn around how the Federation were implementing youth leadership, what that looked like in action. How the country are trying to build their own bridges whilst building ours on an international stage with the help of UEFA. 

Thinking bigger picture, we could be on the verge of something really game changing. 

Thinking smaller stage, I don't think I've felt so tremendously engaged person to person for a long time. With those from the Federation, our German friends from the partnering foundation and those members of the youth council. A genuine want to share thoughts and listen. The simplicity of connection. We have so much technology which is removing the opportunity to feel, to understand, to discuss, to think. By disconnecting from the virtual world and being present, I heard so much more. 

The stories of individuals. The desires and deepest passions. The opportunity to integrate with others like me, to learn and grow with them. To find meaning. To remember why we do what we do. 

Time will tell if these actions create the fruits hoped for. Throughout the time I was there, the question 'what's your why?' Or 'what's your cause?' Came up again and again. A question I don't remember being answered in the broader sense of why the Federation want to involve young people. But I got a sense of mutual understanding from all that this is the right thing to be doing. I think direction is needed to ensure there is real meaning and understanding of the cause. I like the thought, 'if you don't know where you're going, how will you know when you get there?' And it doesn't ring any truer than right now. 

In the midst of leading The FA Youth Council, taking our seat on FA Council and managing EVERYTHING which comes with it over the last few months, the few days away provided a welcomed break and opportunity to re-align thoughts. To take stock of progress made, and acknowledge what is yet to come. 

The option to see through different eyes, and look at our work through a differing perspective. 

It is the art of noticing and taking opportunities, to disconnect to be able to connect with oneself and others. I've found great value and pleasure in talking about what brings us alive, how can we work together for the greater good. And the feeling of being a part of something bigger. A feeling of belonging.

I might have been a minute behind most jokes, very poor at speaking Romanian and slow to hear what isn't being said. But I was a part of it all. Not the outsider. Not the nosy neighbour. But a valued cog in the community which we are slowly starting to build. 

The art of noticing isn't the glaringly obvious which goes unseen, but the pauses in between the notes which are there all along which we just don't value their worth. It's leaving space in your cup for the input of others, for being present and coming together with the ambition of succeeding together. 

Multumesc foarte mult Romania.

Thank you very much Romania, for showing me the gaps between the notes.

What You Don't See.

I think it's time to open up. 

The blog was left for a while whilst life settled down following the end of uni, getting a job and trying to figure life out a little bit. A few thoughts have been shared, pausing on pursuit, peaks of 2015 and a recent letter to myself. Its all quite easy though, to only show the world what you want them to see. To tint the view of reality. 

After seeing a recent social media post from a school friend around battling a tough period, I feel empowered to empty out the thoughts and struggle which has been the supporting number throughout the high notes of the SN musical so far. 

I'm incredibly fortunate to have such patient and understanding people around me, who have and continue to allow me to think for myself and try to figure life out. I'm still not sure what this whole thing is all about, but I am realising that time has to be put into the right places. For reflections to be managed, and not turn into negative pit falls. 

Developing a leadership philosophy has brought with it an awful lot of Sarah Time. Time which has just been filled with understanding myself as a person, the real and public self - not just the one I think I am. It's a scary world, inside our own heads. The things we tell ourselves, our self-limiting beliefs which we take as the truth can be so destructive. Ultimately, we are in control of it all. What we believe, how we behave, internalise and what we breathe into the world. It is our attitude from the minute we wake up to when we go to sleep which impacts on ourselves and others. 

It's frustrating, to have such hard wired gremlins and self limiting beliefs which are fuelled on memories of not being good enough, having to manage bullies and incompetence through education. Of trying to be my own person in a world half full of wannabes who are following the popular kid, not realising that view of reality only lasts for so long. When it comes to the present, these memories continue to tug. Despite growing, becoming the person I am, the back of my mind are the individuals who tried to tear me down. Some would say they are winning. Beliefs which I haven't been able to shake off.

It's that usual paradox, I spend so much time supporting and showing belief in others. I enjoy nothing more than investing time into listening to others and being some kind of safe haven, that I manage to ignore my own thoughts and feelings. I find it easier to help others, than to help myself. 

From reading this blog from the starting post to now, it is difficult to see the struggle. I re-read thoughts and re-live experiences, often in disbelief that I was the one fortunate to have them. There is a level of disbelief from people when told I find being confident difficult. I find it amusing, because, people only see what I want them to see. I'm very careful of the Sarah Nickless on display. 

Almost like the guy from 'A Christmas Carol', doubt hangs on like weight and chains strapped to my ankles. A reminder to calm down when things are getting good, to slow down when it goes my way. An uncomfortable pull from the past which has no place in my present or future. I frustrate myself, because I control this. Despite the huge highs, I fall back into the same thoughts. 

I haven't been able to accept the person I am right now.  

The annoying thing is, I know what I am capable of. The personal growth as shown through this blog and achievements, progress made tells a very different story. Possibly also a battle which is slowly coming to an end. Of competing with myself my own self-beliefs against reality. It's accepting and enjoying filling my own marble jar [google Brene Brown's talk on trust]. I simply wouldn't be where I am if reality told the same story which I tell myself. My next steps are finding ways to believe it myself. To completely accept who I am, and live on the the cusp of the wave as opposed to waiting on the shore. 

Life is the party we all hoped for, after all, we control the music.

An Open Letter to Sarah Nickless

The thought, 'nobody really knows how their journey happens' seems prominent right now. As we end the 2016/17 season and sign off from our FA Leadership Academy, The FA Youth Council sat down for a celebratory meal to revel in the developments across the season.

In January we were asked to consider next season, succession planning and our next steps. A session I found difficult in knowing this could have been my last 6 months representing The FA Youth Council. On January 21st I wrote myself a letter to open during our celebratory meal, it seems appropriate to re-open the blog and share what my letter said...

Sarah,

At the time of writing this you shared a photo in instagram, that motivating giraffe one saying: 

'The future will always be uncertain, just take that first step.'

When you open and read this, the future will still be uncertain, but I hope you will be more comfortable about it.

In 2012, you were filmed on camera saying, 'I've come to be inspired, so that I can go and inspire.' In that moment and week realising some of the possibilities ahead of you, but I bet you didn't picture the 3.5 years representing The FA National Game Youth Council.

Developing yourself: wanting to learn, understand and become a better leader.

Developing others: within the team, regional YLs, and through our events and projects. You're a giver, please don't ever lose that.

Developing the community: Helping to build and support our community. You're about to implement a learning campaign, become a community manager - be that zoo keepers you keep telling people about. Smile when you read this knowing you've been a nurturing pioneer, that sounds cool at the very least ;].

Think about everyone who has been part of the FA NGYC journey. Those who have made up your fan bus - joined the ride from the beginning, hopped on along the way and jumped off at their stop. 

Always remember, journeys start and stop, people are people... the fan bus rolls on forwards because of the person you are not the title you hold.

Think about the person you are, have become and continue to strive for. The Sarah Nickless who wanted to inspire, but didn't know how. The one who became scared of being a role model. The deep thinker who wouldn't let people in because she didn't know how to. The one who wouldn't contribute for fear or being wrong. who needed extra days before sharing concrete thought out ideas.

The Sarah Nickless who sang Year 3000 at FFCamp14, closed FFCamp15 talking about lollipops and opened FFA16 explaining the different types of light bulbs. The one who has grasped and adapted through change, but kept true to their values:

- Greet everyone on arrival, be last out after clearing up. 

- Be humble

- Put others ahead of yourself

- Show respect, learnt to challenge appropriately, listen first

- Be you, even when no-one is looking

-Show gratitude, always.

You might not be able to walk backwards in a straight line blindfolded, struggle with most ice-breakers but you certainly know how to make others smile and have learnt that 'hope' isn't wishful thinking but a mindset to carry your life through.

I hope that the last 6 months have been incredible, that you've enjoyed the present, developed your learning community, arranged the March meeting and delivered FALA17 leaving your legacy... being a team member everyone has been glad to have.

This chapter is coming to a close. Right now, I don't know if I'm turning the page or closing the book. Please feel safe in the knowledge its pages worth reading and whatever comes is what is meant to be. If you're crying... get a grip. Stand tall and end this confidently.. what would the world's best zoo keeper do? What are you going to do?

The future is uncertain... it's about your next step.

You are your own light bulb, keep shining, keep smiling,

SN