With little over 2 weeks before jetting off to Rwanda I feel that now is a good time to fill in a couple of blanks and have a bit of a mind dump I guess.
So the latest news is that I've been offered and have taken a position on The FA's National Game Youth Council. A very exciting addition to this years' agenda. I know, I thought I was busy enough! But as you may have seen in previous posts, this is something which I wanted. The only thing that I struggled to get over last year with disappoint, but I've worked incredibly hard to put myself into a contending position. I'm already relishing the opportunity to meet new people and work within a team who really want to make a difference and along side determined individuals. What a workforce we have!
We had our first meeting just over a week ago, a surreal experience. Excitement, apprehension, nerves all packed into me. However much I enjoyed the new environment and working with our fantastic team for the first time, I struggled to concentrate. I couldn't switch off to switch on.
The same weekend as this meeting we had our Rwanda Induction. 2 days of preparations for our trip to deliver The FA Changing Lives Award! I had a phenomenal time with the team, and I honestly think we are an incredibly strong group of people who will make a huge difference to the community we work in. It's been said enough times, we all bring different strengths and attributes to the table and we've all earned the right to go on the programme.
The workshops/sessions we were in were really enjoyable and thought provoking. The weekend has really brought to life the journey we are embarking on, I don't just mean the thousands of miles to get to Rwanda! But the impact we will have, the difference we will make and how the trip will be life changing for us, not just those who we work with. When I think back over the last couple of years and the amount of people I've worked with it's quite astounding, but I don't and haven't really seen the impact which I've had. Where as, I think about Rwanda and it's a completely different story. I feel like everything will be magnified by a thousand percent. Within that short space of a week there will be so much development and it will come in many forms. I guess that by working with the same people day in day out you can see the affect you're having.
I came away from those 2 days in a weird mood, I cant really describe it in any other way. Rwanda has taken over my thoughts, it's taken over me! I'm continuously speculating what might happen, challenging my thoughts - what will you do if...? What if you make a mistake? So many What ifs.
Through my blog it's so easy to become a keyboard warrior and put on my armour.. but really I'm getting quite nervous. I don't want to let people down, it think that has become a way of life for me.. constantly worrying about other people, what they're thinking and seeing. I've not got that rocket up my backside, and even if I did I wouldn't ever light it. That little spark where you can run out of your comfort zone and take the chance of it being in the wrong direction. I'm working on it.
I have and will to continue to say that Rwanda will be a catalyst to developing personally and professionally. I honestly believe that once we've landed in Rwanda I'll feel fine and I'll make the most of every second - I know so. But for now, the nerves are sticking around.
Having the thoughts of Rwanda and my roles for the weeks, all the plans, team morale the lot is so exciting. I couldn't switch off from this to switch on to National Youth Council. I tried, but it just wouldn't happen.
I cant wait to be boarding the plane with the team and get going. It will be an unbelievable personal journey, I'm ready for it. I might come back a different person, but I'd rather come back a better person.
It's been difficult to write this post, but I don't want anyone to think this is a one off. I get nervous about everything. I've become a self-doubting pro. Pick out any event, opportunity, coaching session and there has been a certain level of nerves and anxiousness. However much I look forwards to something, there is always a monkey on my back questioning things. Maybe I'm getting good at hiding these emotions and feelings.. I'd like to think so.
Because of the above, the trip to Rwanda will hit me hard and will have a huge effect on me personally. As I've said, I'm ready for it. It's this waiting which I'm struggling with. I've too much time to think and as the quote goes, most of the time over-thinking creates a problem which wasn't there to begin with.
I've chosen problem solving as my behaviour to try and improve over the course of the week, I think that from the above and my own thoughts/feelings they wont always be practical problems to solve. But that's a challenge in itself.
It will be difficult for me to blog daily in Rwanda because I like to reflect deeply and take my time. But I will definitely have a blog post [if not a few] once we return. I'm looking at the possibilities of videos every other day with video diary clips, snapshot in the moment thoughts to give a flavour of daily events. That's the plan, but as I've been warned, I will need plan X, Y and Z.. not A, B and C.
Over and out amigos, see you on the other side.
http://vimeo.com/84705012
No comments:
Post a Comment