2015 - Remembering the Peaks

It's been quite a year. I think that's an understatement, one I can only appreciate at a time when I have been able to slow down and reach a stop. 

Up until December 15th, I'd been rolling full steam ahead, picking up power ups and Wumpa Fruit [Google Crash Bandicoot] on the way and hadn't really paused to think and reflect. If you've read the prior post, you'd see I haven't blogged for  few months, and in doing so transported myself into 'The Real World.'  

On December 15th I travelled to Wembley, had a couple of phone calls on the way, joined a meeting with fellow FA National Game Youth Council members, had a couple of hours in a coffee shop and my first experience of Wagamamas - don't worry I hadn't heard of it either. A day of firsts, a day of over coming challenges, a day of celebrating. There are 2 reasons that day was a stand out, firstly, I had time to think and genuinely reflect on the year and the few weeks leading up until then of non-stop travelling, meetings, graduation, conferences and life. A line from a phone call, 'Sarah, you sound tired.' [Cheers SL] Yeah, I was. No 2 ways about it. I guess, I was so wrapped up in everything going on, I didn't get a chance to catch my breathe and see what I was doing. Was that didn't get a chance? Or didn't create a chance?

Point 2, over tea, my first experience of squid and eating a Japanese soup with chop-sticks [you're right, chop-sticks and soup don't work!] Donna McIvor said to me, 'Sarah, you've had quite a year, Youth Council, graduation, your job..' 

I think I've needed someone/ people to bring me back to reality, and those 2 moments were exactly that. 

I guess the pursuit and gaining of employment took over, am I surprised? No. Have I made a mistake in not giving myself enough Sarah time? Yes. Does that worry me? No. I'm new to this full time work malarkey, going to make mistakes and do so on a hourly basis, if not sooner.

It is so easy to fall into the trap of work and being busy, all for what? 

The real challenge hasn't been in my job, Youth Council, moving away as such... but how I have approached it all. I'd be lying if I said the last 6 months have been easy. There have been days where I want to get in my car and drive home, leave Somerset life behind. Days where I sit and worry about, well, everything. Times where I just want to get through the day and keep all emotions in check, that side cant be seen yet. As commonly told, that's ok though, it all proves I'm human.. but that's not the point. 

2015 has been a culmination of everything I've learnt and an expression of the person I am and becoming.. which I am very proud of. The older I get [calm down, still 21] the more I am realising it is the small things which are important. I look back on graduating, National Camp, NGYC, the job and yeah those are great, but it is the gaps between the notes, the walking in between which make those mountain tops so special. The trips to Bath, Loughborough, Doncaster, Salisbury and beyond which have created endless memories. The phone calls and emails holding photos, jokes and I guess a safety net to fall into. But most importantly, the people. Those who take ordinary occasions and make them extraordinary. My family, the Football Futures Family and my colleagues. Those who have made moving to Somerset, working life and life in general easier and enjoyable. 

Moments stored in this jar which I cant wait to open in a few days time to relive the year and the things which have made me smile. I guess you could call them all lollipop moments. 

Smile Moments 2015

So much has gone into the peaks of 2015. I know 2016 will be great, I don't know where the Sarah Nickless Party Bus will go next.. but I know I have the right people travelling with me. 

SN

Interval.

Blogging over the last couple of years has been a lot of fun, I am certain that I have achieved what I set out to. I see now as a good time to call it a day and leave things on these thoughts. 

The last 5 seasons have been surreal. Little did I know that October 15th 2010 would be the start of something really special. That 15 minutes of hell, being told to stop playing the game I love was the first of many turning points. Was it a set back, or a change of direction?

To those who have supported the journey in some shape of form, thank you. To the Football Futures Family who have helped me, challenged my thoughts and been amazing companions along the way - you're all heroes. 

I cant ever begin to word how much of an impact Football Futures has had on my life. To say it has changed my life, would be an understatement. The power of the game to develop people is something really special. To now be in a position to support the development of others through the programme which has helped me so much is incredible. 

The pause button has been firmly pressed on blogging, this isn't a stop, but a rest on the way. A time for me to focus on what is important. I'm going to be doing what Miley said, 'Keep on movin', Keep Climbin.' It is all about the climb, the journey, the peaks and troughs which now will become a lot more personal and frequent.. a time which all of these blogged experiences will become my hand book for working life.

Football Futures has inspired me to be me. 

SN

#FFCamp15

Here goes, the FA National Football Futures Camp 2015, formulated thoughts and reflections. In the immediate thoughts I mentioned how I never thought I'd ever have the opportunities I have done, nor did I think football could provide me with such amazing moments.. and I didn't think that some volunteering thing could become such a pivotal part of my life. To some Football Futures is just a programme, but to many it's an emotional life changing thing that just so happens to encompass a mutual love of football. A programme that brings me to tears far too often, but emotions mean you care right?

The last few months have been a whirlwind. I also have previously said that my NGYC and Football Futures pathway is fragile. I know so. Fragile because my life has changed, hugely, over the last month. Moving to Somerset and starting my first full time role in football is on one hand amazing - the dream is coming alive, on the other hand it is the most scary and nerve racking thing I have ever been through. Many would say that all of my FF (Football Futures) opportunities and events have paid off. I don't see it that way. To me the opportunities have been taken because I wanted to, not because I thought they would lead to an extrinsic reward of a job. This move and life event has ruffled feathers of normality of coaching every week and spending a lot of time towards Youth Council work.. The worrying fragility and uncertain future of my FF involvement is just that worrying. It was these nerves which I took into FFCamp15. Nerves of knowing this might be my last Camp, being uncertain of putting in a NGYC application for the new season and starting to worry about the big move. 

Our last event as the NGYC for the 2014/15 term, it was going to be special no 2 ways about it. As a team we are/ were incredibly passionate about the children and young people within our game. It was and has been so enjoyable to spend time who all share the same vision and goal in moving football into a better position than when found. I have made and built unbelievable friendships and personally developed far beyond measure over the last year and a half. Camp seemed to be a fairytale end to what has been a surreal time with the team. 

It seems irrelevant to give a breakdown of the week - there other posts which have done that from previous years. Camp aims to reward the young leaders who are making a real difference in their counties, but it is a comma not a full stop. A point to reflect on the distance travelled so far, the challenges and successes, and a point to plan and think ahead to what it to come. To inspire and support people as people, helping them to become better citizens, not just developing the football workforce.

It always amazes me the power of football, FF and National Camp. 99 strangers turning up on the Monday and then leaving as friends just a few days later. The 99 journeys which take place, and more than that.. the journeys of staff and Youth Council members. Being a part of that is special. Getting to know people, their journey to camp, motivations and ambitions you cant really word it. Well I cant. 

Before Camp started, we as staff, mentors, NGYC discussed what success looks like, if you can answer that then well done. I cant. It looks different to everyone. Success may have been getting to camp, answering a question in a workshop, presenting in front of a group, making friends, understanding options ahead. Whatever it is/was, our job was to help to make that happen. The word 'journey' gets banded about a lot, but camp is about understanding where you are on your journey, and working out where the next steps will come from. Not comparing yourself to others, but comparing yourself to yourself. Now we're getting a bit deep, but understanding the significance of what you're doing, the challenges ahead and what the overarching success is to look like. It is these meaningful relationships, conversations and moments which make Camp, well, Camp. The memories I hold from 3 years ago are what might seem like insignificant moments to many - but the mentors, NGYC and staff are what make Camp so special, and we cant ever underestimate the power of a spoken word or taking the time to just listen. This is why understanding what success looks like is so important. 

As I said previously, I was and continue to be inspired by the young people within the game. Those who really care and are determined to be a better version of themselves. I watched young leaders last week develop across 4 days, come out of their shells and in many ways I saw parts of myself in others. Those who showed an immense amount of passion and care in what they were doing. Who got as much out of camp as they possibly could. It's really difficult to word the feeling of seeing that and being fortunate enough to be a part in helping other people. I am and ordinary person who has made the most of the opportunities on offer, and it has led to a position of such importance to inspire others to maybe follow in my footsteps, or alongside - we're not creating robots remember.

I thought a week would be enough to construct actual thoughts about Camp, but I'm not so sure. 

Camp this year has brought home how important FF is. And yes, I know, I keep banging on about it. I made the decision to present during the closing ceremony of camp, maybe a silly move as I have cried throughout the previous 2, but I decided that was a challenge I wanted to put ahead of myself. Many people wouldn't know that I nearly didn't speak. Moments before I was due to stand up and open the closing, I found myself crying and shaking sat by the tea and coffee. The moment really got to me. I've spoken so many times before and got to a point where I actually quite enjoy it.. but closing Camp seemed a step too far. When something mean so much, emotions and the moment gets magnified by like a billion. Camp and FF is that important to me, that I let my emotions take full control - the chimp wasn't being tamed if you like. 

If Camp is about the small wins, then that was certainly mine. The cape was certainly on, and if anything else it proved to me how amazing my FF Family is. It would have been easy for the guys to go on and deliver the closing without me, but they didn't. Huge thanks to Adam, Kieren and Luke for sitting with me, giving me time to compose myself and backing me to deliver what I did. It is moments like that which make you realise what and who is important - to me making me realise how much FF and the NGYC mean and how much I want it all to remain a part of what I do. Somehow, not sure how. 

Camp maybe over, but the memories and friendships will last a lifetime. It's as much about those running it, as it is the for the young leaders. The structure of Camp may change and evolve, but the great thing is it always brings in new people. It is difficult to word the feelings, emotions and reflections.. maybe I over estimated my ability to do so.. but sometimes we need to remember what it is all about.

As Kirsty Whitton rightly said at the start of the week, although talking about Camp, I think this sums up the entire essence of Football Futures:

'It's how much of an impact you can have on a person, as a person.'

Powerful stuff.

Immediate Thoughts - #FFCamp15

The last 6 days have been amazing - so amazing that I cannot word nor begin to explain. Nor am I going to. Well aware of my reflective capabilities, I'm going to sit on my thoughts for the next week or so and pull them together when I can catch my breathe. 

Not wanting to leave the blog on a blank slate, I'll attempt to drop my immediate thoughts, hopefully they will make sense or offer some suggestion of what I mean. 

In the pre-camp blog I said I went into the week with a different kind of nerves. An apprehension of not knowing where my National Game Youth Council or Football Futures path leads. Nerves of wanting to better last year, knowing that the little things were going to be the difference. 

I've always said the event and destination isn't always the important part, but the people you are travelling and working with. This week has allowed me to build some amazing friendships, strengthen ones which are already there and work with 99 outstanding young people who have truly inspired me. 

There have been many 'smile moments' and I'm glad that people have taken on board the idea of lollipop moments. Small random moments of significance to you, not to the world but to the individual. Some people might not realise they are creating them, but lollipop moments are all around us - we need to start recognising them and celebrating them. 

Entering the week I didn't set any goals, but my thoughts were around quality not quantity. Could I have a handful of meaningful impacts / relationships over numerous insignificant ones? I'd like to think I've achieved that. How do I know they've been meaningful? I don't know, the messages I've received today have blown me away and might be proof - but it's in what comes next. Do those people go and make a bigger difference? 

I'm flitting between thoughts and ideas, rolling through Camp Blues and to be honest don't really know where I'm going with this. Never did I think I'd get the privilege of this journey, neither did I think it would take over my life and emotions. How wrong could I be? 

This week I've felt like the richest person in the world. Rich on life, the exhilarating moments it has given me. The opportunity to meet and spend time with people and then see them progress. See them eager and determined to learn, to want to do more and be more.

Before the emotions take over, again, I'm going to leave it here, well until I can formulate actually relevant and structured thoughts and feelings..

I'm exceptionally proud to be a Football Futures Ambassador, to be associated with something which actively changes people's lives through the most amazing vehicle of football. Leadership isn't something we should work towards, but something we should embrace. Football Futures changes the lives of the people who understand the importance of being a better person, and striving to develop themselves and others. 

You don't have to change the world, to change the world; there are 6 billions perceptions of the world, and if you can change one person's view, then you have done just that. 

FFCamp15 - Pre-Camp

There's a video on FATV somewhere from day 1 of the FA Football Futures National Camp 2012, unfortunately for the viewers I feature a couple of times and have been caught saying, 'I've come to be inspired so that I can go and inspire.' At that moment in time I knew I was embarking on a special journey, which had in fact already started, I was in presence of some incredible people, but hadn't yet realised and was about to enjoy a week which was to change my viewpoint on football completely. 3 years on, we are hours from The FA Football Futures National Camp 2015 and I'm a part of the FA's National Game Youth Council who will be delivering the week. 

3 years ago, I enjoyed 5 days at Hereford College for the Blind, surrounded by enthusiastic young leaders who wanted to be better, at what I'm not too sure. At the time we all thought better at our football related roles, now it's a much different thought.. In actual fact we were becoming better people. (For a full view on FFCamp12 check out the 'Leader Life Leader Legacy' post from a few years ago). What Camp taught me, and Football Futures continues to do so, is that the destination isn't always apparent, the journey is most important - that developing moving pathway we're all on- essential to that is our companions along the way. My 5 days at Camp were inspiring, my peers, camp councillors (now mentors) and the Youth Council who ran the week. I walked away wanting to become someone like the people I had the pleasure of being with that week. I'd like to think I'm on the right track, but after all, we're not human shaped robots following each other and creating copies. 

Now moving towards my 3rd Camp, 2nd as a part of the FA National Game Youth Council, I'm as excited and apprehensive as I was 3 years ago, but now for many different reasons. I'm now the one doing the inspiring, well trying. I have an incredible amount of time for the people who inspired me those years ago, without them and in fairness the memories I wouldn't be who and where I am. It's my role to inspire others to go and be the best they can be, to help them and offer advice and guidance. That's huge. Last year, I learnt what it feels like to do just that. Words cannot even begin to cover it. To inspire and influence staff, mentors and young leaders. Young leaders who mentioned me in their blogs, tweet and update me on how their lives are going.. That's something really special. 

This year, I sense a different kind of nerves. To steal a quote from Steve Swallow, this is our 'swan song' (who knew swans could sing?!) as the National team that we are. My future is starting to unfold and being 100% honest I don't know where my NGYC and Football Futures path leads to or looks like. Some would say that's exciting, for me that fragile. For something which has been a huge part in my recent life and journey to where I am, being uncertain isn't pleasant. It means too much, and I don't really want it to end. 'Letting go' as it's been described, but I guess my grip is too tight. I get the feeling this may be the end to a new beginning, one door closing and all that... I maybe wrong. 

The tweets are starting to roll in as we edge closer. More proudly, I'm reading tweets from last year's Young Leaders. People who I spoke to and helped, just to get through a week, who are saying how camp made them feel and what they're up to.. It's fantastic to be apart of. I am really looking forwards to seeing and meeting this years' group of 99 young leaders, getting to know them and understand the current climate of young people in football. The environment of camp might be similar, but it's new people. And that the great thing about it. 

As Football Futures is changing we need to keep up, remember it's about collecting experiences, not hours. For those attending next week, we need to fuel them with enthusiasm and give them the best experience they've had yet. Quite a challenge? I think so. An exciting challenge, most definitely. For me, Camp is a catalyst for thoughts of where / who we are and where we want to be.. The catalyst in realising that leap of faith is possible. 

I expect an emotion packed week where I will pick up and learn just as much as the young leaders attending. I've not yet set an goals, bit of shock coming from me, the only real thought is not to cry during closing ceremony, again. 3rd time lucky I guess. We may have timetables and plans, but it will be an unpredictable week. 

My only advice to all involved: make the experience count. 

Women's Sport Week 2015 - BBC Women in Football Debate

This week [beginning 1st June] is Women in Sport Week. A week to celebrate females in sport and how far it has come, that of performers, journalists, coaches, officials and so much more. Today I was at the National Football Museum in Manchester for the Women in Football debate, representing The FA and FA National Game Youth Council. Alongside me were a number of females who hold a plethora of different roles within football, journalists to editors, directors to coaches to discuss key problems females face within the game. 

Led by Jacqui Oatley a panel of females discussed the current FIFA issue and how females should be holding higher order roles within the game. The problem of sexism in football doesn't seem to be going away, over 66% of females say they have been exposed to a sexist act, however 89% of women say they wouldn't report a problem if they saw one. We need to know where to draw the line, how do we know where banter ends and sexism starts? Who decides? Every female will have their own 'banter tolerance' which will vary, some will take more than others. Sexism is now a thing of the minority, not the majority. But that still is not enough. 14/ 15 year old Izzy, a coach from Blackpool spoke of the troubles she has faced. She has faced sexism already, players questioning why females are coaching, why she isn't playing netball and doing girl stuff. Is this a problem being caused by the players, or do we need to look wider? Are parents and the older generation imposing their archaic views on our young generation and players? Instilling beliefs which are being outdated by the day, influencing perceptions which is influencing the game. Although a minority, this group could tip and roll into a minority if the wrong voices are heard [See Malcolm Gladwell - Tipping Point for further thoughts]. 'Women are getting everywhere' was another quote, we're not trying to steal the game of football, just be a part of it and make it OUR game. 

The number of females taking up senior positions within the game is increasing, the want for more is also increasing. Part of me thinks this is the right way to go, but as it was alluded to, we should be looking for the 'right' people, and the right person shouldn't come in to end a stigma or stereotype, but because they are the right person for the job. Is it all about getting females in within higher order roles? Definitely not. Yes, that is a nice ambition and vision, but the ideal view is to have more females working in the game at all levels. I don't think there is a right way, is it get people in the top and work down, or flood the bottom with females who can work up. Or, can we attack all areas and just have a simple goal of increasing the number of females within the game?

The talk of role models and use of education was seemingly constant. Education around the possibilities within the game. A game which is bigger than the game, if that makes sense. Football is much more than the 22 players on a pitch and referee. The stadium built around the pitch represents the plethora of different roles available, marketing, punditry, reporting, development, education, working in football clubs, the list could be endless.. but most people wouldn't know it. Is this lack of knowledge stalling the snowball at the top of the hill before it gathers speed? Is it education around what is on offer which is needed to get more females into the game? Maybe. Programmes and projects are already in place to try and achieve this outcome, Women in Sport are piloting a scheme which takes female role models from different areas of the game into schools to speak to Year 11s about the opportunities on offer. Maybe year 11 isn't the right year, but this is the pilot, hoping to influence young people and hopefully open up different thoughts around college and university options. 

What we need to be aware of is that everybody is a role model in one way or another. It's not all about those with major social status working at an elite level. I'm quite open to the fact that all of my role models can be found in my phone contacts, they are tangible people who inspire me everyday in life not just football. They inspire me because of who they are, not what they do. I think we need to be aware when using 'role models' that they are relatable and can provide insight and direction. I watched a TED talk earlier this week - link at the bottom - by a guy called Drew Dudley around everyday leadership. He tells a story of how he made someone's life better through a 'lollipop moment' I recommend watching the video. A 'lollipop moment' is a tiny moment where someone does something or says something which changes your life for the better. That person may not even realise they've done it. What we miss out, is telling them they've done and recognising it. The video aims to define leadership, it's not a status to work towards, but something we all hold and perform acts of all of the time. Just because it's not changing 'THE' world, doesn't mean it wont change someone's perception of it. I've had my own lollipop moment, as I'm sure you will have too. Mine was a cheesey wotsit moment, but it's something you remember which has made a difference.

The point of me putting the above, as I hope you will have been able to pick up, females at all levels of the game inspire others. Just by being in the game, others are being inspired to follow in the footsteps. Having tangible mentors, role models and people to ask for advice is important to maintain people in the game. There is valuable evidence that social learning is more effective than formal learning, working with experienced others support this - maybe this is something we can exploit within our game? 

The next few weeks/ months are incredibly exciting for female football, the world cup, FIFA16 news and the increased age for mixed football. It's a great time to be in the game, but as those working within it wanting to increase the female influence, we need to make the best use we can of this time. 

I had an incredible day today and even managed to throw my own 50 pence worth in around coaching and my view of what we should be focusing on, lets remember personalities are more important than abilities. It was fantastic to be in the same room as other females who have really made a difference within the game in all areas and are passionate about developing the game and influencing others to become a part of it.

Female football is in the best place it has ever been in. Maybe it is lagging behind, catching up on the 50 years which were missed out, or just taking slow and steady steps in the right direction. A hard and fast approach probably isn't right, as females we're probably questioning every decision hundreds of times before going through with it and planning in depth to make sure everything will work out.

Slow and steady wins the race right? The ever changing nature of the game is obvious, but change for the good. The majority are pulling in the right direction and progress is being made.

Change is inevitable, progress is optional.

Be grey.

Drew Dudley: Everyday Leadership - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAy6EawKKME

An open letter to LSFA Girls...

Dear All (players, parents, coaches, staff),

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of the Lancashire Schools FA Organisation for the last 3 seasons, and for putting up with my poor attempts at making jokes and banter. 

Things could easily have taken a turn for the worst following the 'awkward turtle moment' on that day in Skelmersdale, if you don't know the story - don't ask, but it didn't.

I've enjoyed the roller-coaster ride which I have been taken on, the ups, downs, and moments of feeling sick with emotions - times such as the semi final v Essex in 2013, Northern Counties Final 2015 and U14s penalty shoot out in the recent national final. Who knew football could do that to you?

3 seasons of being involved, 3 birthdays which have involved some sort of LSFA event. I doubt I'd have things many other way, with it all culminating to last Wednesday, my 21st and the National Finals - definitely a day to remember. The level of emotion from all involved, knowing the height of the occasion, the possibility of becoming double national champions and seeing the season's work all fall into place. I'd been certain for weeks that both age groups would win, and I'm glad I got to see it happen.

There have been high and low points, but I have genuinely enjoyed being around everyone and having my own moments which will live long in the memory. I don't do a lot, but being able to develop relationships and change perceptions has been great. Seeing players develop as people on and off the pitch, hearing of players moving into CoEs and being genuinely excited to go to matches and watch the level of football being played - I've turned into a fan, there is simply no other way to put it.

Last Wednesday provided me with the moment of my life, running onto the pitch as Lottie the Lion to be hugged by a number of U14s celebrating their win, that including a player who I didn't get on well with at the start of last season. Cheesey/ sappy yes, but sometimes it's the small moments like that which make all of the time put in worthwhile. 

And so, my LSFA journey has finished on a high. I can only thank Mike for letting me be a part of the set up, an organisation which so closely replicates that of the club environment I used to be a part of as a kid. I'm sure his growing trophy collection only begins to cover the success the organisation has brought. To the other coaches/ officials who have allowed me to watch and learn from them, and again be a part of the team. 

To the parents who have provided endless conversations and banter and taken an interest my own life as well as that with county sides. Late night conversations in Sheffield, bar talk in Surrey and singing at my last week - it is all very much appreciated. 

Finally to the kids, there isn't too much to say other than thank you. I hope you've learnt something from me, whether that's from an inspirational story, a silly one - like the one about my only goal scoring header or from something else. I've never really been too worried about on-field matters, because I understand that football is a game to be enjoyed not endured, and that's important no matter who you play for or where. 

Thank you to all involved again, my very best wishes for the new season and beyond.

#StrongerTogether

(Sassy/ Sass) Sarah 

Work out who you want to be, not what you want to do.

The Real World..

It's occurred to me that I haven't blogged so much recently, which isn't because I've stopped trying to tell the world about my life, but because I've actually been getting on with my life, if you catch my drift?! I'm less than a month away from finishing my degree, less than a month away from being free to do whatever I fancy... Let's not lie, it's an incredibly scary prospect, not knowing what is coming next. Despite the excitement of those around me, the next few weeks fill me with a lot of fear. 

After changing my views of my future numerous times since starting university, my mind seems to be contstantly worrying about the first step being in the wrong direction, and that I am almost playing it safe, rather than taking a risk into a completely different area of society. Although my thoughts have changed, I think the last few years have taught me that it might not be football which is where my passion lies, but just being in a position to help and work with young people. Football Futures has allowed me to use football to work with people and be able to support others, which has been and continues to be incredible. The programme, to me, is about developing people using sport.. Not so much the developing the future of the game as people like me will realise that football and sport is such an amazing vehicle, not such much a destination.

So, the last few weeks have been spent applying for jobs and thinking about what I want, and to be honest, I still don't know. Fortunately for me, the first job I've applied for resulted in an interview, which I am waiting for the result  I've thrown my name into the hat for a couple of others and the response as yet is unknown. For me, being offered an interview so early on holds a number of feelings, obviously excitement and contentment that my experience and applications are pitched at the right level, that on paper I'm close to what is wanted. But on the flip side, a little bit of unsurity, my friends weren't so fortunate and so I feel bad for finding what seems to be early success. 

What seems to be good, is that the things I've written about in this blog, experiences and skills gained through Football Futures have most definitely put me in the position I am. I back myself to put the right information on paper, however it's then being confident and competent face to face. One thing which the last few years haven't taught me, is how to be myself in interview situations. I know myself inside and out and that interviews are situations which don't come around very often, I take them seriously and struggle to be myself and get my personality in, that's kind of a nice bonus if things go well. 

Most people know me as a deep thinker and as a worryer, definitely not a warrior, and so the points on this blog will come as no real surprise. I think it would be unnatural to not be nervous at all with what the future holds, I could insert numerous quotes here of, 'the best way to predict the future is to create it' and 'if your dreams don't scare you they aren't big enough' but when you're unsure of what you want, it's pretty difficult to move in that direction. On a film I watched last night, there was a line of, 'figure out what it is you want, and work through any barriers which come in the way of getting there' it's quite difficult when you aren't sure of either. 

So, the real world awaits. One where I haven't got the soft cushion of education for boundaries to work along. Where responsibility will come in the bucket loads and hiding simply isn't an option. 

I've been thinking this for a while and it continues to perplex, I'll have to make the jump sooner or later.. 

BUCS SMG

Another opportunity to test my self and be better. Arriving down into London umbrella in hand might offer the idea of a pessimist. However, I'd like to go with the thought of a well planned person. Honestly, I had no idea what to expect. After being asked to think about not taking the position over Christmas, I was in a few minds as to whether I would be challenged, if it would be exactly like I've done before or something completely new.

I'm pleased that it was the latter. A completely different experience, a much smaller group with a certain direction to move in. Other than an opportunity to be better and support a national project, I wasn't too sure what I wanted/ want to get out of the experience. I guess, it's a chance to support others on a national programme, using my experience to support others though their first national event planning and delivery. 

Decided not to delete the above, written over a month ago following the first meeting with the BUCS Student Management Group, we have since met again at Wembley. Again with my umbrella in hand, wind whistling around the stadium permiter, the wind swept and interesting look seemed to go down a treat. 

We are now well on the way to creating our conference, workshops have been decided and tutors are starting to be confirmed. This new look at running events is proving exciting, an opportunity I'm very pleased to have taken. Along with piecing together the conference, on Tuesday we were treated to a look in on the BUCS potential strategy planning for the new season, what would we as students select as key priorities and why. Deep level thinking, creating rationales and really starting to understand the challenges with are faced within university football development. 

As things slowly start to fall into place, the excitement is starting to rise. Small tasks are being spread amongst the team and gaps are starting to be filled, the agenda is filling up and we are edging closer to to opening the application window, the nerves are starting to kick in. Nerves, as I've been told, show you care apparently. I'm hoping everything pulls together and we deliver a really worthwhile 2 day event, that people turn up and that the team are rewarded for the hardwork which has and will be put in.

At the top of the piece I wrote how I want to support others with their project planning. After Tuesday's meeting, I think I'm well on the way to doing that and I'm really enjoying seeing others develop throughout the process. The progress we've made as a team and individuals so far has been great, now the challenge is to see how far we can go! 

Onwards. 

thought of the day 'football is my vehicle' or 'football is ourvehicle?'

@AmbeRoseW: @sarahnickless thought of the day 'football is my vehicle' or 'football is our vehicle?'

 A question posed to me on social media this week, to make the connection, this is the title of my blog site. The thoughts coming for it I though were worth sharing. 

Good question this, I've taken some time to think about it.

 A few years ago I made a claim that, 'football isn't a vehicle, most people are already there, they just need help knowing which was to turn.' I don't think I could have been much further from the truth.

Throughout my reasoning for joining the game, 10 years this month since I started playing, it's always queued back to my parents splitting up, as Kieren Laverick tweeted earlier this week, it's a distraction to everyday struggles, which it was.. And still is. I guess that's why I'm so emotionally attached to the game, because of how it's helped, and continues to do so. But now I'm the one providing the distraction for kids who are going through similar stuff I went through.. now at the point where we've fallen in love with the game, or rather fallen in love with the many feelings, opportunities and benefits which comes with it.

I started my blog because i realised I was/ am on a journey, cliche, and a very special one - I know that much at least. I know that not everyone will get to do the things I've done, go to the events I've been to, meet the people I've met, seen things through my eyes.. the blog is a chance to portray my learning and kind of recycle it to support and help others. Yeah I hope it's a nice read, but the whole purpose is to support others, share my learning with others, I don't get the interaction with it which I'd maybe like, the like on Facebook, retweet on twitter publicity of readers yes, but there isn't a challenge to my thinking, someone offering another view. Which I guess would contradict the reason for it's existence.

The blog is a showcase of why football is my vehicle, even though it transports us all. For different reasons, needs, desires and wants. Yes it's our vehicle, at times maybe a video game, with different levels and characters, but that's another train of thought.

 For the purpose of the blog, football is our vehicle, but the content of the blog is mine.

 Even though it transports us all, and in the same direction, the similarities stop there. Speed, motion, method all vary which is the beauty of it.

Your vehicle is different to mine and my journey will be different to you too... along with the way I want to drive my vehicle, how fast I want to go, if I want to stop half way, if I want to stay at one pace or change speeds at different points in my journey. Everything is different, but at the end of it, its my decisions which 'drive' the vehicle and my choices as to which vehicle and journey I want to be on. Reply from Amber. 

To quote a favourite movie of mine [The Polar Express] 'That's the thing about trains, it doesn't matter where it's going. What matters is deciding to get on.' Might not always be on a train, might jump on a steam train, boat, car, tank.. your journey will have allowed to use them all at some point, now you'll know when to hop on a plane when on autopilot doing something you know well, when to be in a tank, either battering something or just moving a little slower.

As another quote I found last year says, and I need to remember, 'don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle.' In the same way, comparing why and how you do something compared to someone else. I've done this too often, and have been told off for it. 

The uniqueness of everyone's journey through the same 'vehicle' is something quite amazing.

Reaffirming Thoughts

This week has reaffirmed everything already thought to be right. Right in a sense of why I do what I do, gallivant across the country and spend time with lots of different people. It may not be a paid profession, but meeting and working with people has very quickly become a passion of mine, it just so happens that I get to do that through football. 

It's been a weird week, football has provided me with 2 compellingly opposite feelings, one of hate and frustration, the other of inspiration and drive. I guess that's the fun of the game, and the unpredictability of it on a pitch not just off it. Last week I made the decision to leaving my university activator role, quite simply because I wasn't enjoying it, being in a position under scrutiny and it genuinely felt horrendous being in the position I was. 

On the flip side, this week, visiting 2 County FA Football Futures Events, presenting our first Youth Onside Award, visiting a football club working wonders, email discussions, everything which I enjoy. I don't want to use this blog post to describe everything which happened at each place but rather the key points which as the title states, re-affirms everything which I know to be right.

West Riding on Wednesday, I thought the day would be a disaster after a rock hit and cracked my windscreen on the way across, but that wasn't to be. Meeting with old friends and watching a new generation of young leaders learning and leading. Fantastic to see how much people have developed since National Camp last year, so much so to drive forwards and lead on 3 Football Futures Camps of their own. And I guess, that's what it's all about, using football to develop people. For me, once we recognise this, the progress increases more so than the feeling of developing referees and coaches.. It's it so much more than that. 

I didn't go to West Riding to steal ideas, I wasn't banking on anything to take away, but what I did get was the day with friends I've made throughout the programme, the chance to see young leaders further down the line who are passionate about developing the next bunch of young leaders and doing just that. 

For me, Bobby Madley's session, built around refereeing encompasses everything about the programme, yes the young leaders had a go at refereeing, the aim wasn't to get them to sign up to go on the next referees course. It was to develop confidence in making decisions, to have a deeper understanding and potentially change in perceptions of referees. As he quoted from Henry Ford, 'Whether your think you can or you can't, you're right.' Have confidence in yourself and put yourself in the set mind that you can do what you want to do.

Manchester on Thursday, being asked to attend as the 'guest of honour.' What a privilege, I don't think I will ever live up to the title of guest of honour, but I tried. Again, it was a day with friends who I've met across my time on the Football Futures Programme, people who are influencing others and now making a difference in their counties. 45 young leaders turned up for the day despite the weather, all who are on the FF programme, places for National Camp and mentorships were put on offer at the start of the day. The importance of the event really shown as all members of Manchester CFA were introduced and played some part in the day. 

For me, I didn't really know what I was meant to be doing, I guess I find it difficult finding a role in an event which isn't mine. It was a pleasure to see the youth council take hold of the afternoon session and deliver, as it should be, young people influencing and empowering other young people. There was 1 moment which made my day though, and that's all it takes. One major thing Football Futures has taught me is how important it is just to listen to people and make them feel valued. I spent lunch talking  to a lad who at 15 is already very busy and looking ahead to his future, wanting to coach and work with people. Already regularly working with an FA Skills Coach, waiting for his 16th birthday to do his level 1, with ambitions then of rushing on doing his level 2 and youth module 1&2. I spent maybe 15 minutes speaking to him and didn't think an awful lot of it, just sharing my opinion of not rushing into loads of FA courses taking his time, using what is learnt and watching other coaches at the level he wants to get to. 

As I was leaving the CFA that afternoon, I stopped by, shook his hand and congratulated him for what he's done and effort on the day, his response was magical. A lit up face and more thank yous than Santa gets at Christmas. Thank you for inspiring, mentoring and helping him. All is did was show an interest, listen, offer advice and try to build a bit of a relationship. That's all it takes. If that's it, to keeping people going, influencing them and pushing them to keep on doing what they're doing, then we should all be looking to master our interpersonal skills to develop others. 

Friday back at Lancashire FA, presenting our first Youth Onside Award, the Youth Onside project was launched to influence clubs and leagues to realise it's young people who play the game and it's them who should have a say in how it is run. After 5-6 months of the programme running we have 11 clubs working towards Youth Onside status, and are close to getting our first league on board. 2 clubs have now been given the Youth Onside Award for their work to create Junior Committees, to not only create them but sustain and listen to them and put ideas into action. 

Yesterday I had the pleasure of presenting Layton Juniors FC the first award, it was great to meet the people behind the work and the young people who are making a difference. The work of the Lancashire FA Youth Council is starting to pay off, now we've got to keep the momentum going and influence a change in culture across grassroots football in Lancashire! 

Finally, my half term tour led me to Bolton to see AFC Masters in a action, a football club created not so long ago to allow players of all ages with disabilities an opportunity to play football. I had a fantastic morning watching the training sessions going ahead and joining in. Not only are the guys playing, but also have the chance to lead of parts of sessions and older players coach and support young age groups. A club really driving what we're aiming to achieve, driven by young people and their needs.

So, quite a week. I've had a lot of fun and taken great pleasure in seeing counties at work and seeing young people in action. I've not really done a lot, but really starting to take note of why it all started. Football is such a fantastic vehicle, and I think sometimes we forget to see it this way. I've seen personal development left, right and centre all through the week. I get the fortune of working and influencing people to have opportunities like I've had and I know there are so many other people doing the same. 

As Jack Whitlam said on Wednesday, 'The journey of 1,000 miles begins with 1 step, you don't want to run in the wrong direction though.' A very correct thought, which sums up everyone's journey. The most difficult thing is to begin, pass that hurdle and the journey can really start

In 3 years time..

After downloading the Timehop app I've had a lot of memories brought back to life which have really allowed me to evaluate where I've come from and where I'm going.

3 years ago today I had a double road trip, firstly to Owestry Orthopedic Hospital to see a specialit physio about my knee, then raced to Loughborough for my first ever coaching event, the Youth Sport Trust, National Young Coaches Academy. 3 days with 180 other young coaches who were just starting out on their journey. I was 1 of 20 coaches representing the FA. My first real event, I remember being scared and worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up, or would be starting way behind everyone else. That turned out not to be the case, managing to keep up, being a 'keeno' asking loads of questions and starting to realise how big of a job coaching is, the amount of skills it involved and develops and quite importantly, how many other people were getting the buzz from it also. I walked away from that event with an award, but the reward of just being there, meeting some incredible people and having the enthusiasm to learn and continue to do so meant a lot more!

2 years ago I was supporting 2 county FAs (Shropshire & Lancashire) with their Football Futures/ Young Leadership events. Going from a young leader attending the events to learn and develop, to now supporting them and delivering parts of workshops. Holding an ambassador role on the day, asking questions and trying to probe answers out of people, using my experience to develop and support others. 

This time last year I was on the other side of the world in Rwanda with The FA delivering the FA Changing Lives Leadership Award. Putting into practice my coaching skills to mentor and support peer leaders in another country. Really testing the key communication and problem solving skills. Being selected as 1 of 4 young leaders to go out and deliver an international programme, working closely with 4 peer leaders, delivering in school and universities in physics, environments like no other. I'm still learning from the experience looking back and thinking about things, what I could have done differently and just the incredible memories of having such an experience. 

This year, this week, I'm attending 2 County FA FF Camps, one being in Manchester where I have supported the working group creating the event, seeing it come to life from behind the scenes. On Friday we are presenting our first Youth Onside Award at Lancashire FA, recognising a club who have created a junior committee to allow young people at the club to be heard. Now I'm having a bigger hand in football development work. 

All the while I've been developing the skills learnt from the first NYCA camp, transferring them from place to place which has led me to where I am now, with the contacts and friends I have across the country. Goodness knows what will happen over the next 3 years, but I hope it's as exciting as the last 3 have been!

Fast out of the blocks

Now nearly a month into the new year, life is moving quickly as expected and the end of my degree is looming. Worries about job prospects are at large, the real world as it is more commonly known. However, on the flip side of paid reality lies the wonders of my volunteering journey.

I'm incredibly excited to be able to continue working as a Regional Officer in the North West, carrying on supporting the plans which were put into place prior to the Christmas break. Already, and only a month into the new year, things have moved on very quickly! It's fantastic to see the hardwork put in last year being rewarded.

Just a few days ago Cheshire FA launched their Youth Forum. Following a meeting I had with them in November it was incredibly pleasing to see plans put in place and then actioned within a short space of time. For that to happen it shows how I've been abe to influence others who have now recognised the importance of young people's voices within their game. Although it is becoming very cliche-y it's true, it is happening everywhere, those creating and modifying the game don't have to endure it. I'm hoping this is the start of a change in Cheshire... Things can only get better!

In Lancashire we have recognised the first 2 clubs with the Youth Onside Award, recognising the fantastic work the clubs do to allow young people to have a say in how their club it run. Both Shevington FC and Layton Juniors FC have created junior / youth committees who are actively being listened to. The feedback we've had is that the adults within the clubs are surprised and left open-mouthed during and after every meeting.. Really having their eyes opened to how young people see the game. 

The Lancashire FA Youth Council are now creating a Youth Development Day for all of the clubs who are working towards Youth Onside status. This is to reward and start to develop the young people on committees/ councils / projects and allow them the opportunity to progress further and put out new ideas to their clubs. It's important for us to develop those who have stood up and are actively making a change within their club.

Alongside this, the Youth Council are supporting the LFA Young Volunteers event in April and will be looking to build off the back of it. There are some fantastic and hardworking young volunteers in Lancashire, we're now looking to create a pathway for them. Instead of attending 1 event and then not seeing them for a year, we are creating Leadership and Coaching Groups which will aim to further develop the young people in the county.

It's all systems go, if we could do more I'm sure we would!

Earlier in January I was approached by Manchester FA and asked to be a part of their working group leading up to their Football Futures Camp which is coming up during February half term. A new experience for me, now not just supporting youth council developments, but actively supporting wider projects within a County FA. Incredible also that they came looking for me, I don't think words can explain the feeling of being wanted/ needed. I'm now challenged to think differently and strategically on way to prolong success and ensure the camp delivers to the needs and outcomes desired. Using the experience I have to support others. I'm now really looking forwards to attending the day and seeing the event pull together, and then of course what is built on the back of it to keep young leaders involved.

Nationally we've got the pilot of our Empowering Youth project, I'm incredibly proud that Lancashire have been selected to pilot the scheme to run alongside the Youth Onside project. Another challenge for our youth council and myself to deliver the workshop to club and league officials to try and influence them to go away and empower young people. Creating a chain reaction which will hopefully start a culture of change within the county.. we can hope!

Also looking ahead to National Camp, scary I know, how can we change it to ensure it is fresh and not just a carbon copy of the previous one. I'm looking forwards to working closely with Ads, our head of projects, on this one. Gaining a bit of a deeper insight into his role and what goes on, on the build up to camp. 

It's quite a weird feeling knowing that this term as a NGYC member is only 6 months long, it gives me the opportunity to really push on and continue to develop the North West, I can link into other roles and see how they work and be a part of any changes which come about with the new National Game Strategy. 

Thinking back to a year ago, walking into the first meeting not knowing what to expect, I can see a different/ change within myself and the way I think within meetings. It's quite a powerful image to see, not just the statically side of things, but the person who I've become through this whole experience. The people I've had the pleasure of meeting and working with, let's be honest, if it were possible, I'd love to do this kind of stuff every minute of everyday. Having any role in football is one to be cherished, and to be able to do what I do is on another planet. 

Uni is starting to get scary, getting marks back and seeing 5 deadline dates left until I leave. It's been pleasant to pick up 87% and 90% in a couple of assignments I've now got to the point of working out what I need to get the final grade I want! the 'J' word is being used more and more which is worrying because I'm still now sure what to do. Luckily I've got plenty of things to get on with in the meantime. 

Busy week coming up over half term attending different events, we'll be presenting the first Youth Onside award, continuing to build projects and I'll be as busy as ever trying to support and help where possible. 

Fast start to the year, now it's not about keeping up and doing everything at 100mph, but staying in the race.. Maybe running off the track and into another direction.. I don't know. Time will tell.