Why are you here? NGYC

6 months through the year, 6 months through my FA National Game Youth Council experience. My first ever experience of being a part of a youth council, and I'm loving every minute! The contact with counties, meeting new people, seeing the difference I'm making and now looking ahead to National Camp.

Attending meetings is always exciting, hearing how the team are getting on, the latest updates, catching up with friends, mentor meetings, planning and workshops which make you think. 

It's been confirmed that I am an elephant mixed with a dolphin (Nigel Risner - It's a Zoo Around Here) which has been reflected in my work. The time I take to do things, to make sure they are done properly. Spending time with counties who want help, looking to create strong rapports. 

I've come to learn, that the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. So I'm hoping that nearly all of the counties within the North West have some kind of youth council/ management team by the end of the year. Hoping to play my part in hitting our overarching goal for Youth coverage across the country. It's also my role to maintain the current youth councils we have.

So far we've run the County Chairs training for those currently involved within a County FA set up. Delivering workshops which will benefit the Chairs and people who attended, and now create a legacy where Empowering Youth sessions can now be delivered within counties, leagues and clubs. 

The Football Legacy Programme and Fund is up and running, events have been delivered and a number are planned for the coming months. A programme which is allowing youth councils / management teams an opportunity to create their own programmes to then be delivered. 

Now we look ahead to National Camp. Just a few weeks away, the excitement is sky high and I can't wait to return to the camp as part of the NGYC after attending as a young leader 2 years ago. The comment has been made that this could be 'my moment', time to shine.. *jazz hands at the ready.* I'm looking forwards to being around the young leaders, working with individuals and trying to make the week a positive experience for all. The first night's activities have been planned by myself and Jord which is very exciting.

What I love more, National Camp 2012 was the best week of my life. I met some amazing people and have continued to build on the learning and developments made. As Camp benefitted me so much, I really want to make sure that this year Camp has the same effect on others. 

The NGYC constantly question my thinking and challenges how I'm doing things. The latest question I'm pondering is, why are you here? Why am I on the youth council? Why did I apply? To be honest, I applied off the back of Camp 2 years ago, seeing the difference in which the Youth Council could make to me, and wanting to be able to do the same. Since Camp 2012 this want to be involved has grown, and since being a part of the NGYC I've come to realise how prominent my passion is to be to able to influence and help others. At no point have I ever thought, ooh that'd be a good CV enhancer, ooh that might provide me with experience for a job. 

I'm on the NGYC because I want to be able to make a difference whilst being a part of a passionate group of young people who want the same. 

So far the experience has been everything I hoped for plus more. Questions are already being asked about next year, but for now, I've got plans to make, #FFCamp14 goals to write, workshops to deliver and youth councils to support. 

If you're not already, please get following @TheFaNYC and join in with the Camp build up and to keep an eye on the amazing thing which young people are doing in football.

Just a little Pep talk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-gQLqv9f4o&feature=youtu.be

Do you get courage? Or the opportunity to be courageous?

I get a lot of stick for the emotional kid that I am, some of these blog posts prove that. Realising the morals and key features of the Football Futures Programme, what's important in life and why we're all teachers. I've come to realise how other things have really helped and put me in the place I am. 

Uni has taught me about socialisation, theories about how we act, react.. take opinions, revise them and reshape them. But sometimes there is a much deeper meaning behind it all. I constantly read on twitter, in books, in lectures about allowing people to be creative, to.. try things, experiment.. Never miss out on an opportunity to experiment is what someone said last year. All of this and I think, yeah great, the kids are trying Maradona turns, attempting a Neymar penalty run up and creating their own route around a football pitch.

I've done a lot of thinking, isn't this just the basis for life? I might be wrong. 

I've grown up with the freedom to make my own decisions, follow the muddy path that hasn't been travelled..  As long as it's the one I want. To follow my dreams, MY dreams. I've not been pushed into A levels, a degree which will guarantee a job because I don't want that. 

Making a decision requires courage, doesn't it? Or does choosing what you want, stem from courage? Possibly both. The courage to think past the draw backs which may follow, the possibility of being wrong.. even if there is just a glimmer of being right. Someone once said it's the journey, not the destination. So those courageous decisions may evolve into a fantastic journey of learning, but finish in defeat. Still the winner though, cause I've enjoyed the journey? 

Through my year 8 options, friends at school, college choices, football team, uni, and most importantly my dreams, I've had nothing but support from my parents and family. I'd say I've followed what appears to be right, going to to uni before heading out into the world, but no one said that's the only way. I've created my own pathway, defined by me and what I stand for, but shared with people who want me to succeed.. and if I don't, to have learnt along the way. 

I look to my Dad, the man who never fails to bring tears to me eyes when he tells me how proud he is of what I'm achieving. The man who told me to chase after my dreams, fill my life with what I enjoy - that's how you get rich. Rich on life. To my Mom who hates the fact I might not return home from uni, but can't wait to tell everyone what I'm doing and having those 'proud Mom' moments. How amazing is that, giving your parents 'proud parent moments.' I can't even word it. 

Do you know what's even cooler, is I'm not going out there to create 'proud parent moments.' I'm just doing what I enjoy, taking everything which I can (literally) and pondering down a muddy path which seems to be leading to an unknown place. 

I've got Becky who sticks out a Facebook status when I'm off away, attempts to get a hug out of me when I'm home, and is just there when I need her. Moments that I smile about. Ben who treats me like a celebrity when I'm with him, doesn't want me to leave, telling me I'm not allowed to go back to Preston. 2 people aged 21 and 5 who I can talk to about anything, who can both bring out the best in me without even trying. 

So incredibly lucky to have an amazing family of number 1 Sarah supporters. Friends who tell their parents about me, what I'm doing and where I'm going. It's crazy sometimes, this kid from Telford creating a life full of experiences and enjoyment. The people who I've not spoken to for ages, but still care and are amazed at the things I've done. 

Looking now at teachers, coaches, colleagues, mentors... people. People who aren't there to modify me into a version of them, but to help create the best Sarah Nickless. To be a part of this journey. Although they speak through experience and for the best, they are more people just throwing in a thought.. Allowing me to make my own mistakes. 

Throughout all of this, it's me who is the decision maker. I sometimes think, are these recent successes fate? Does having a troubled childhood equal a successful future? I guess probably not. But it certainly allows me to enjoy and appreciate everything, knowing the past.

The mad thing is, sometimes I sit and read my blog to reminisce, and I wonder how I've done all the things I have. I've grown up knowing that you work hard for what you get, things don't get put on a plate. The things I've achieved, are things I haven't gone looking for. I've not asked for them, they've come to me. Just like progressions in a session, they kind of come naturally. You've just got to decide of to let them pass or take the opportunity. 

There's also this thing of, oh that will look great on your cv, or that'll help when getting a job... Never once have I thought that when applying for something or going to an event. I've done things because I enjoy them, and want to get better. Not because it's a CV enhancer or might get me an award. If that's what we're aiming for then nothing will be learnt, events won't be enjoyed and at the end of it you won't be able to recognise the value of what's been achieved. Where the fun in that, going places to be able to say that you've been there.. but done what?

I've never really thought about it, but this freedom, it's what's working for me. A want to enjoy things, do what I like doing. Obviously the support helps to no end, but ultimately only I can make the final decisions. Sarah's Wild Adventure has gotten me this far. Being who I want to be, doing what I want to do. 

Things like having a bit of hope to play football again, but then veering off in a different direction of volunteering, has been the best thing which has every happened to me. I wouldn't wish injury upon anyone, but I'm so grateful for mine, which has provided a head turn which is continuing to be a huge part of the journey. 

I've got some unbelievable people around me. Not everything is fine and dandy, the river still floods every now and then. But as we know, the rivers still flow. And it's this little bit of force which turns our stream, into a river and into the sea which then goes all over the world. 

Fortunate to have people around me who care and want to what's best, fortunate enough to be able to make my own decisions. 

I've learnt that by doing the right things, gets you noticed by the right people. Being allowed a freedom in life gets you as far as freedom on a pitch. That turn might not pull off every time, but to get past the hurdle/player/ challenge you've got to be ready. Back your decision, and if it doesn't pull off first time, go again. 

Bit of a mind dump, it's come after watching a film last night. Not really FF related, but it doesn't really have to be. 

A Year of Making Mistakes

This weekend I will finally be on my way back to Shropshire to have my final student summer, 2 months of no uni work, making my own tea, washing my own clothes and paying to live - one to savour I know. This might sound great, but realistically I'm already 2 months into my summer. 1 month was spent in Zambia, the other has been spent here in Preston, in and out of meetings, planning and emailing. Sounds riveting? 

2 months after my activator contract ran out for the year, I'm returning home to continue planning. It feels like I can't escape, constantly thinking about next season, plans that I've got in place, things I've yet to do and also my first year in the role. 

I think it says a lot about me to have spent so much time in Preston, planning and attending meetings.. But I want to get next year right, the more I do now, the less I have to do later. Without going on about my ridiculous sized summer, I want to have a look back over the season 2013/14 and my time spent in and office, behind a computer, down a phone and on the playing field. 

As my previous blogs have outlined, I was shocked and so overwhelmed to have got the role as University Football Activator for UCLan at the start if the year. It felt like the best possible next step on a ladder of football development, which up until 2 years ago, I didn't even know existed. This a new experience for me and one which I couldn't see the future of, as in where it would take me, what it really involved and if I was up to the challenge. 

The early stages seemed to pass me by, still amazed that I was in the role. Weeks and hours tumbled by and I hadn't really done anything, or so it seemed. Freshers' Fairs came and went, we had teams signing up and chasing round halls of residence to try and get more students involved. A task I thought wouldn't be a problem, everyone loves football right?

Wrong, that seemed to be a hard pill to swallow. One that I couldn't understand and it constantly annoyed me that I couldn't get more people involved, turns out that I probably wasn't looking in the right places or putting on the right kind of event.

They say that you make a mistake once, after that it becomes a choice. This is the best way in which I can describe the past year within my role. Mistakes are proof that I'm trying things, the plans I'm making for next year are proof that I'm learning. I've had a number of positives and successes, that with the Hub Club Project, referee developments and number of teams within our Student Union Leagues, but that doesn't mean that everything has run smoothly.

That of setting up a female only football provision, some sort of volunteer group, running our 11-a-side leagues.. Things that I want to work but haven't seemed to be able to get right. I've had a lot of people tell me that I'm spread far too thinly, and I agree. Having so much to with little time has been incredibly difficult at times I've lost enthusiasm and struggled. But sometimes it's that struggle and those mistakes which show us where to improve and what's needed. 

It's been a challenge to try and implement ideas without any research, to learn about how to run leagues, to organise referees and things which go wrong on match days - which they certainly have done! The times where referees haven't turned up, the weather has ruined fixtures, players moaning, teams dropping out, chasing money.. things that you don't expect to happen. There are times where I've wanted the ground to open up and eat me.. but learning how to deal with and in this situations has helped a lot.

After talking to many other Football Activators it seems like I had an awful lot of responsibility put on my shoulders. I've been involved with projects which others haven't and have had a lot to look after. With a lot to look after it's been challenging but also very rewarding. After linking up with the Lancashire Hub Club Project I have been able to see and be a part of some amazing developments where the Hub Club has now grown a number of arms including an FA Affiliated club for 5+ different age groups and now planning to run Football Mash Up centres under their name. This work has been topped off by UCLan inviting me to The Sir Tom Finney Tribute Dinner, a posh evening celebrating Sir Tom Finney's life and also raising money for the Sir Tom Finney Soccer Centre [the Hub Club].

Getting a referee course run and now progressing into hopefully a referee's forum is also very exciting, something I hope to pull off next season.

Now, looking towards next season, I've planned and will have a Futsal league running. The first futsal league at UCLan, expectations around me are quite low, but I'm fairly confident things will work out well following attendances to a futsal turn up and play session last year. I've spent time linking up with The FA to affiliate us to be an FA Futsal Fives League, setting up all of the ground work - now I've got to deliver it.

I've had a meeting with all football providers at the university to ensure that we can deliver the 6 point BUCs football offer as a team, instead of me trying to run it all single handedly. Although I've been able to spread some of my work, it seems that I will be doing the same if not more next season within less hours. A mammoth task. 

The challenges I've face have been difficult at times to get around, but they've provided me with first hand experience within an environment which I want to be in when I graduate next year. 

I've learnt to be patient and offer what students want, not what I think they need. To persevere, not give up if it doesn't work straight away. And also the importance of collaboration, whether that be when sending out volunteering opportunities, delivering the leagues or within the Hub Club. However small the input, that could be the final jigsaw piece. 

Frustration is natural, it's a struggle to juggle my degree, job, living, coaching and everything else I want to do. But I've managed to get through it, with better planning and knowledge of what next year will hold will definitely put me in good stead to leave a legacy for someone else to pick up next year. 

This season, 2013/14, I have:
- Run our 11-a-side SUL league with 16 teams.
- Run our 5-a-side SUL league with 12 teams.
- Formed a strong partnership with our Hub Club, creating 6 coaching placements.
- Run a basic referees course creating 12 new referees.
- Set up UCLan as a Mars Just Play centre, hoping to have more success with this next year.
- Run a football festival, Mars Just Play in partnership with Team 23 with over 100 students involved.
- Partially delivered a workshop around the Hub Club project at the BUCs Football Development Conference.
- Attempted to create a female only football provision.
- Put in all of the ground work ahead of a Futsal Fives League next season.

I think that my role this year has played a huge part in helping me to be accepted onto the National Game Youth Council, provided me with experience of contacting a number of people, looking to deliver projects, deliver presentations and come up with innovative ideas.

It's been a busy first year, where a lot has taken place. Hopefully next year will be a little easier with having a years experience, but I'm sure it will throw up more problems.

Just like queuing up for a rollercoaster, you see all of the climbs, drops and thrills - but you cant feel the ride until you're on it. I knew it would be a roller coaster, but had to be on it to experience it.

I've got more plans to write, provisions to maintain and a year to leave behind a job with a legacy.. not much of an ask..

Rant with Reason.

I've written a few blogs about Football Futures, how it works and has changed people's lives, and mine in many more ways than just within football. I'm well aware of the numerous quotes I've been dropping onto twitter, a lot of them relate to my journey and my thoughts of others. Maybe it's wrong that I post them, I don't know.

Anyway, I don't want to throw another emotional strop onto the pile. I'm hoping this gets a message across.

Football Futures has allowed me to connect with people who have a similar interest, people who enjoy being in football - working and helping others.. this something which I find fantastic, I really do. I've got so much time for people who want to help others, not just themselves. FF has taught me a number of things, patience, perseverance, that anything is possible.. well within reason. Most importantly, I've learnt that everyone has something to teach you. It's not just about learning off those more experienced, but asking questions of the people you least expect. Not over-looking people because of perceptions, everyday is a school day, everyone is a teacher - but only if you're prepared to learn.

I honestly believe that FF is about influencing others as well as your own journey, working together to develop individually.. if that makes sense? Through my years on the programme, personal develop is massive.. way more important than professional. I may be wrong, but my personal development has opened doors and has been the key to opportunities. It's about being committed to being the best person you can be. That means investing time in yourself. Now, I don't mean to copy one of those shouty motivational videos or anything of the kind.. I'm not saying lock yourself away and just sit with yourself, that doesn't appeal to everyone. If you're given opportunities, events whatever they're not just to attend and enjoy, there needs to be some sort of legacy- some longevity. Opportunities are there to help you better yourself, to improve your personal not your CV.


In Rwanda, Matt Jones posed the question 'if you could sit on a bench for an hour with anyone, gone or alive and just chat - who would it be?' That's a good question, my answer was blank. Since being a part of FF, I've lost interest in celebrities, stars and those in the limelight. Everyone who I want to talk to, I have access to. My role models are all around me because I've come to realise the qualities which they hold, I don't go looking for people - nor do I wait for them to come to me - I enjoy being around people, trying to better them and allowing them to better me. I've learnt not to become bitter or competitive about trivial rubbish, I work as hard as anyone, I enjoy it and surely that's got to be important right?

In sport, these 'marginal gains' are everywhere, why cant they be seen off the field as well as on it? Maybe they are. I can name all of mine, eye contact, speeches, that magical confidence, a little bit of will power and belief. It's the small things which most people don't see, the intangible not just the in your face stuff. I sometimes struggle to explain the benefits of FF, not because there aren't any [LOL that'd be ridiculous!], but because they aren't visual. You cant explain the personal gains, and some people don't recognise these personal gains, the size of them and the feelings of them. I can't word how much I've changed since 2010, I'm not a new person, I'm a better person.

Throughout all of this, so my FF journey, I continue to chat on about people. Those I've met and get the pleasure to work with. There are a handful of people who have to put up with a lot of my moaning, negativity, successes and challenges [I hope they don't mind]. I'm in a position where people care about my development and want to support it, which is magnificent. You cant repay someone for giving up time for you, you cant give it back. I've learnt to make the most of people's time and show my thanks for it, it's not just good manners, but you cant just take a bit here and there. I kind of want to get into a position where people can look up to me like I do to others [this might be happening already,  don't know]. To have people ask for help, not try and dominate them because I want to have some ownership, there's no need. Just to be in a position where I'm needed, not wanting to sound arrogant at all, but I don't think I'm there yet.

We've come to learn that it's the quiet ones who might be missing out, but how do you recognise these? The loud ones are either taking up someone else's space or taking up time. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but the quiet ones are probably getting on with their development, whilst the loud ones are consistently talking about theirs.

So after all of this, I've settled down to this:
-> Personal/ marginal gains are important, but you've got to want to succeed in that area; not just hope it's a side effect from other things.
-> People are all around you, embrace them and their qualities.
->Everyone has something to teach you, but they cant if you're not open to learning. Don't overlook these opportunities.
-> Enjoy your success, don't brag about it, learn from it.

Whey Aye.. Durham FF Camp.. Like

This week I've been fortunate enough to travel across a few counties and work with different individuals who are working hard to develop opportunities for young people in football. I've had a fantastic week and genuinely cant wait for the next meetings and events.. it's been one of those 'I love what I do weeks' because there is nothing better than being around people who care about what they do and the development of others.

Although I've been in 4 different counties this week I want to share my experience from Friday 11th April 2014...

After following #DFACamp14 on twitter all week I was ridiculously excited to be heading up to Durham for the final day of their Football Futures Camp. Over 150 young people had been in the camp working with the Durham FA Youth Forum and Referees Academy. An event which perfectly epitomises the Football Futures Programme, ran by young people, for young people.
 
Waking up Friday morning at 4.20am was a lot easier than expected following 4 hours of sleep, those are the mornings that are enjoyable though - so many thoughts of what the day would hold were fizzing around my head. Thus alongside nerves surrounding a closing speech I was to deliver.

Arriving into Durham with the sun shining and the sound of Northern accents put a smile on my face. Soon to be met by Miranda and Marcelo of Durham's Youth Forum who showed me a tour of the North trying to find East Durham College!

I cant really word the welcome I got, both humbling and exciting meeting the Team Leaders and Youth Forum who genuinely seemed quite excited to meet me.. that or they were having an exceptionally good week.. I'd suggest the latter :]

I spent my day popping in and out of the different sessions going on, Event Management, Coaching, Futsal and Refereeing. Each one was captivating, leaving many key messages in the young leaders' minds.

It was timed well, walking into the Events Management session just after the Team Sixteen video was shown. Seeing Kieren Laverick and John Heathcote delivering was pleasing as always. Says a lot about the programme how Kieren started as a young leader and had worked his way up to now delivering workshops as a tutor. The events workshop was around Team Sixteen and Team Nineteen; understanding the aims of the initiatives before planning what a Team16/19 tournament/event could look like if one was to be run in their school/college. The workshop was then taken outside where the Young Leaders could see how a tournament would run, whilst being a part of it. Using a clever idea from John, there were transfers going on left rights and centre which meant that a tournament could be played between 4 teams and minimal players. The transfers meant that teams could play without having a full team by using other teams' players, but then everyone gets lots of game time.

Sitting in the futsal session was fun, seeing so much interaction and interest from the YLs was great. Everyone wanting to learn and take part. Tony Elliott [Head of goalkeeper coaching - England Futsal and Cerebral Palsy teams] led the sessions, giving the YLs a background and taste of futsal, the skills needed to play the game, laws of the game and some tactics. Going through how futsal uses different parts of the foot, how to 'scoop' the ball, the speed of play. It's was tiring just to watch the speed of the attacking activity which was used. No lines like a typical drill, speed of players moving the ball in and around the 'D', if you weren't shooting you were playing passes at pace into feet, being the pivot laying off for shots. Incredible, unfortunately for me, I didn't see the next progression which I'd been told about, where the game goes from the shooting activity into a counter attacking game.

After hearing a number of good news stories I was shepherded into the refereeing workshop for the afternoon. A workshop run by the Young Leaders from Durham's Refereeing Academy, a new experience for most of them who haven't led or delivered presentations or workshops before. Part if the session was held indoors, looking at the laws of the offside and mass confrontation and the theory behind it, before heading outside to look at the laws in a practical context. I kid you not, I had the time of my life doing mass confrontation. The way the session was thought out was class, being able to go back over referees decisions, showing just how difficult the job is.
I've sat through a number of refereeing workshops, all of which are long, boring and off putting. The guys in Durham, kept things simple, stuck to 2 laws and created their session around that. I honestly think this is how all refereeing workshops should be, and all referee courses for young people. Lets not turn them off with hour long lectures, but throw them into fun sessions which are up to date and show the fun side to refereeing.

I didn't spend too much time in the coaching workshop, mainly because I was being sent off and thrown around in the refereeing workshop, but the FA Tesco Skills team led the coaching sessions - looking at progressing sessions and adaptations to keep everyone involved.

A fun filled day left us with only the closing ceremony left, a video created by Chris Godfrey kicked things off. A snapshot of the event with YLs sharing why they loved the workshops and the Camp. Miranda Makepeace did a top job with her bit of spiel which introduced myself..

It was both humbling and an honour to be at Durham FA's FF Camp 2014, let alone to give a speech at their closing ceremony. Those in the know will know that Durham is well known for their Football Futures programme, knowing this made the event and my role even more special.

I gave a presentation around my Football Futures journey, where I've come from and where I'm going. Other than missing out a couple of lines from my quote, I think everything went well and I got my key messages across. I tried to make a couple of jokes and be myself and the nerves didn't get to me too much. I hope that I came across as a normal person who has worked hard for their success.

After having a few days to reflect, I still think the same about Durham's FF Camp - it was without doubt the best County Camp I've been to. It had a National Camp feel, everyone enjoyed the experience and didn't want it to end, and being honest.. neither did I.

At no point should Durham FA's FF Camp be a point of jealousy, but rather something to aim towards. Not the size of the event, but the learning environment. The ability to trust young people to shape and deliver an event of that size. Young people shaping the learning of other young people? Makes perfect sense to me.

I can only thank Tina Reed, the Durham Youth Forum, Team Leaders, Referees Academy and Young Leaders for looking after me on Friday from the minute I arrived to the minute I left. I felt like one of the team and clearly blended in during the referees workshop. Also a thank you to Kieren Laverick for his support through the pre and post presentation worries.

I tweeted the following quote on twitter last week and I hope that everyone who played a part in the DFA Camp will agree..'The best feeling of happiness, is when you're happy because you've made someone else happy.' I'm sure that everyone who attended Camp went away not wanting to leave after having an unreal learning experience, that comes down to the environment created by some world class young leaders - the future is very bright for Durham!

All that is left for me to say... Can I come again next year?

The FA Changing Lives Programme: Rwanda 2014 [Part III]

That's the narrative part complete.

I've come home from Rwanda a better person, not a different person. My tag line [which hasn't been stolen, yes it is mine!] is that I've come home with wider eyes. Wider eyes in a sense of a deeper understanding of the world and a 3rd world community, a deeper understanding of mentoring and working people and wider eyes surrounding my own capabilities.

I went out there with the quote 'Sometimes we face a different kind of blindness. We don't see what we're capable of, because we don't see out own possibilities.' I fell victim to this, but I now believe it sums up my Rwanda experience. I couldn't see my own capabilities because I never trusted them. Steve told me before going that I need to believe in myself more, now you cant just put it on in the morning on have it ready in your backpack. Rwanda provided me with a platform to push myself and use everything I've learnt. I have come home a better person for letting go and trusting my own capabilities. They say that faith is taking the first step when you cant see the full staircase, last week I took those first steps, stopped when I couldn't see the next step.. but after deliberating I carried on and found the success I had worked for.

This is completely shown through the session I delivered. I was comfortable because I trusted myself, I was sure of what I was doing. Not cocky or arrogant, but sure of myself. I took charge, changed it when necessary did things properly and didn't worry about anything because I had it all under control.

I went with the want to develop my problem solving abilities, I can say I've done that. By being prepared everyday I could respond to any problems on the spot. Part of me thinks that I was the real problem in it all. The biggest barrier was myself, after overcoming that I have been able to delve into every situation head on.
Obviously, there is the serious side to this. I found ways to communicate with all of my team when speaking English wasn't appropriate. When things weren't working I looked for ways around them either by persevering or stepping in. Decision making was vital, how and when to approach an issue.

As I think back through my week, I overcame some tremendous challenges. The flying, I've not been on a long haul flight for 12 years. The Genocide Museum, yes it was difficult and really hit home, but I've come out the other side. The language, we had a flipping good go at learning it, finding ways to get messages across. Pressure, maybe, that which I put on myself to do well and be the best I can be. There is no way of going around a hurdle, you either go over it or under it. Run at speed, or get there slow down and think before stepping over it. Either way, you still get over it.

Even though I've written the majority of this blog, spoken to many people and put together a video, words still don't fit the bill to describe the journey I've been on. Nothing anyone said to me before hand prepared me for the experience I had, and nothing will come close to it in any future experiences.

I'm still reflecting, thinking about each part of the week. The way in which my group took in ideas and areas to work on and really did improve. The reflections I had around my own performances, working with experienced FA tutors whose thoughts were provoking and helped to push me further. How could I be better and how I could I help my group more? Sometimes I had to park an idea on the shelf, other times I put ideas straight into action.

As Rudy Ruettiger taught me, '..the journey will be full of struggle, but the greater the struggle, the greater the victory..' My week had more ups and downs than a ride at Blackpool, but without the dips you cant see nor understand the highs. I enjoyed every minute of everyday, I really did. I've pushed myself to be the best I can be, to allow my young leaders the best opportunity they can have to be the best they can be. I really wanted to do things properly and deliver the programme to highest standard I could and I don't think I could have done much more.

The kids have taught me to be happy, there isn't time to be anything else. I've learnt that you cant change the past, but you can play a huge part in the future. Instead of thinking I should have done something better, think what will I do to be better next time. Instead of stressing how far there is left to travel, be grateful that you are able to move in the first place. And something which I already knew, the possibilities are endless if you invest your time in the interests of someone else.

I have my own personal thoughts which will stay that way. My Rwandan Journey may be over, but the legacy will live on.

My thanks go to Speciose, Valentine, Emmanuel and Peter for allowing me the opportunity to help and support them and their learning. For becoming my friends.

To Jacques and his team for looking after us, I hope to return one day and work alongside them again.

 And to these guys.. Thank you to Donna, Steve, Sharon, Jonah, John, Matt, Lauren, Dom and Pete for being a part of my journey, and for allowing me to be a part of theirs. We bounced off each other all week, looked after each other and pushed each other way beyond our limits. I always say, it's not always about the event - but the people who you share it with.. this time the event was very special, but so were the people I spent it with. 9 people who will all have their own memories and personal journeys locked up, 9 people who I was lucky enough to join forces with to become The FA Changing Lives Team 2014. We were the change.

https://vimeo.com/87756986

The FA Changing Lives Programme: Rwanda 2014 [Part II]

Continued..

Morning soon came around and we headed off to our first school. A short drive across town, with a huge amount of reality driving past shanty houses, peering into homes without doors. Numbers of people moving around within shoebox size rooms, not enough food or water..

We arrived at the school early and so had a tour around and met the kids. It brings a smile to my face thinking about it, shaking hands, fist pumps, high fives, hugs and communicating with the children. The way they reacted to us, shows what happens when you invest your time in people, seeing their reactions were priceless. As we moved away from the school and back down the hill we got caught up in break time. Hand shakes galore! Lauren got mobbed by tens of children all wanting a piece of her. Kids amazed by our cameras, they just wanted to meet us and touch us, so overwhelming.

After peeling away we made it to our 'pitch.' Another sand and concrete surface with grass marking the perimeter. I was incredibly pleased to see my group setting up for the game with very little instruction from myself. But my back up plans were soon to be used. We started off we a 10v10, I tried to question my young leaders as to how we could change the game so that the players could be more involved. We managed to get to a point where we had 4 teams all moving around with a football per team, but it took a long time. I really didn't want to have to step in, but for this I needed to. I did my best to persevere and be patient, trying to tease answers from my young leaders, but at times I had to do what was best for everyone and get the kids playing.
By the end of the morning we finished with 4 teams, and 2 mini matches going on.. much better than the 10v10 we started with. Not perfect, but a work in progress. We had a brief reflection on the session, my young leaders said they enjoyed the festival aspect but couldn't understand why there wasn't any competition at the start of the session. It seemed that competition on meant playing a match, not scoring points and then comparing them with another team. I had my work cut out trying to convince them. The tasks for the next day were to read up on our new game and to think about talk time.. moving away from 5 minutes of talking.

We all witnessed an unreal sight at the end of the morning festivals, with minutes left until finishing the school finished for the day and all of the school kids poured out of classrooms and descended down the hill towards us. What a sight! However, this turned into another slot of reality, they all came clambering through the boxes of water bottles which were out for those taking part in the session. All empty bottles were snapped up by the kids in seconds. Another showcasing of the real problems out there, not the pitches without grass, those without phones.. but those without water.

Back to the hotel for lunch and to ponder over the morning's action, I was struggling to comprehend with the fact that developments were small. Without thinking properly, I just got into a spin of thoughts that I wasn't doing things properly, or that I had missed something and that's why we weren't progressing.. when really the difference from the first to the last morning sessions were huge.

The afternoon provided me with an eye opening opportunity as we headed across to the University of Rwanda. We delivered a workshop around small sided football and how to run different types of tournaments. From the conversations I had, it is clear how high the level of intellect is at the university, how much knowledge the students had was far and above what I expected.

We looked at league systems and knock out tournaments, how they worked and what a world cup tournament would look like. This after a brief session around the 4 corner model. We soon headed outside to put on our own World Cup. I spent time showing some of the students how to run the scoreboard, how to put in scores and then work out the winners.

It was an eventful afternoon which passed very quickly. I really enjoyed taking hold of discussions with my group and having fun with the tasks. Hopefully more small sided football will be played at the University, but only time will tell.

At the hotel we had Jacques and some of the Dream Academy join us for tea. I had a quiet evening, listening to conversations and going over my thoughts for the day. I had a chat with Pete and had a bit of a wobble, relaying my thoughts around slow developers, worrying that I was letting the team down - I expected a mini wobble, but I'm glad to have had such high support from the team around me. Pete was class, pointed out the facts that without us there wouldn't be any progress at all. Explaining how his group were doing and the problems he was facing with his group. A proper heart to heart which put me at ease.

I enjoyed being a spectator at dinner, Jacques noticed my quiet side, but I was listening to everything. It was interesting to hear that mini soccer in Rwanda is 5-a-side. This shows how things translate across the world, but don't always have the same meaning. Unfortunately this is the point at which I look back on and wish I hadn't have followed suit and had a burger for tea.. more on this to come.

No video diary that night, straight into the sack to sleep.

Thursday morning swung round, so did my first bout of illness. My tender stomach was greeted with a slab of toast and multiple tablets.

I had a deep conversation with Steve, going over the previous days' action. I was given the do what you enjoy speech and we moved on. My task was to ask better questions which were though provoking, not closed.

Onto the school, we set up, sorted everything out. I set my challenges for the day, we were ready to go.. then a few hundred kids came around the corner! Unbelievable scenes! We were given a huge welcome by the children who sang to us, their head teacher cancelled their morning lessons so that they could watch us deliver. Wow, that was overwhelming. Lessons being cancelled because of our visit.

What a welcome!

My teams sessions started well, less talk time and straight into the warm up. We split into 2 pitches and had small sided games. Much better than the previous session. We moved across to a new game which turned into a bit of a problem with people not knowing where they were going, then we had extra children running off the bank to join in, by the time we got playing that session was over! We went back to our original game, 2 pitches, 2 young leaders on each. Everyone was playing and the problems surrounding competition had been resolved.

By the festival my young leaders were running things by themselves. I was able to take a  back seat and watch the football being played. There was me worrying about the small amounts of development, when really it was the tip of the iceberg.

We had a reflection session inside with John where I gave my young leaders 2 positives and 2 areas for development. The 2 areas for development were to spend less time talking and to split the players into teams quicker. Goals to think about over lunch before the afternoon session.

We arrived at the Dream Academy, there was so much space! I set up our session just so that we could get playing quickly. I set out bibs into lines so that players could just pick them up instead of being passed out from a massive bundle.

Before the kids arrived, me and my young leaders had a conversation about the development areas and any changes which they wanted to make. It was a fantastic conversation which led to a new warm up and a very structured way of delivery. 2 young leaders per pitch, 2 mini sessions. I was able to walk around and question my young leaders, what was going on, what were they seeing and thinking. I was able to find ways to communicate with all of my young leaders. Even better, none of them were stood right in the middle of the game. I had managed to get across the 'let them play' point. I reinforced the need to observe and step in when necessary.

We moved session and played Diamonds are Forever. Again 2 pitches and then games were started straight away, very little talk time - Brilliant! Again I took a back seat, watching what was going on and asking questions as we went along. The only time I stepped in was when we needed to stop! I was so chuffed with how things ended up and we still had the festival to go.

I taught a new set of young leader the Target game, showing them pictures of what the game looked like before they delivered it.

We started our festivals, but the excitement soon ended. Match abandoned as the rain fell. Day over, but what a way to finish! With so much of a buzz I sat next to Steve on the ride home telling him how the day had gone. We had a good conversation about reflections and why things had changed, thought provoking as always.

I couldn't wait until the morning for the final festival, waiting to see if I could push my young leaders any further. I wanted to see if they could completely run the festival without any of my help! However, remember that poor meal choice? Well it came back to haunt me, I went back to the room to sleep, awoke at 8pm for tea and couldn't face it. Most of the team went out for an evening with the Rwandan FA, but myself Pete, Dom and Sharon stayed at the hotel.

I had a horrible night with minimal sleep and a lot of bathroom action. I woke up pale and weak, unable to pack my bags let alone do anything else. My Rwandan Journey was over. Myself and Dom stayed at the hotel whilst the others went to enjoy their final day. A doctor was called but to no answer, we ended up in a Rwandan hospital being treated for food poisoning. I was hooked up to a drip whilst Dom got fed antibiotics before heading back to the hotel bed. Not the ending I was hoping for, but there was nothing I could do.

There were positives, news had spread about the success of the morning. I had massages of love passed on and John told me how well my group of young leaders did. I was as happy as I could be, wish I could have seen them - but knowledge of their achievements filled me up. Knowing that what I had gone over there to do, deliver and develop young leaders, had been done felt amazing! I may have gotten stressed over the week, but that's because I care. I wanted to do the best job I could and I believe I did just that.. well that's what the results say to me.

I had a difficult journey back to England, a long flight feeling terrible, struggling to sleep and just craving my bed.

We arrived back in England and said our goodbyes. I couldn't believe how quickly the week had come and gone. I've got some friends for life, people who I cant wait to meet up with again and I look forwards to reminiscing with them in the near future.

I'm going to use a separate blog post for my reflections, but I've come home a better person. I had my mid week wobble, but I expected it. What an experience which now feels surreal, so many laughs and smiling kids, conversations and peer development. A week I wont ever forget because of the personal journey I was on.